Aggrivation.

As I sit at the computer I have realized how annoying it is not to have my own privacy. I mean really, is it that hard to just leave me alone for half an hour? Apparently not. I've been struggling with finding time to my own lately, since Vanessa and Roman have been over. But honestly I do enjoy their company. It's just difficult sometimes when Roman can't keep his nose out of my business.
And now that I got a new kitten, Vanessa is wanting to toss it around and pick it up all the time... there's nothing wrong with it, except that I am so damn protective. And it's becoming such a problem, I feel so irritated and it's uncontrollable. She probably thinks I'm annoyed with her, which is true in a way, but it's really just the fact that I want her all to myself. I'm so selfish sometimes.

Today I have realized I am giving up. Again, for the millionth time in a row. Of course it's not a permanent decision, but right now that's what I'm going to do. My rage has gotten to the best of me and lately I am so completely mad at myself that nothing is worth trying. Today I could go to the zoo, and hang out with my mom, my brother, Vanessa and Roman. But I am so aggravated nothing seems worth it. I mean honestly, what am I living for anymore?

Day by day I wonder about Josh and every time I think about him my heart starts beating rapidly. Usually that's a good thing; I mean, most people say that to be romantic, strike a poem and declare that "my love for you is the intensity of a thousand suns". But I am being completely truthful. It's literal, at this very moment I can feel my heart pulsing in my chest, and I do not like it one bit. He is completely ridiculous. If he LOVED me like he said he would, he would be at my house right now. He would want to see me every second of every day. But he doesn't.

My feelings are off the rocket. I feel like I'm going clinically insane. Help me.